If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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