My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
