I want to have your abortion
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
