I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
