do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
