I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
