The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
