All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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