so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
