I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
