I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
