I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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