I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize