i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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