We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
