The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
