Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
