yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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