I want to make a zoo with you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
