I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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