I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
