I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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