She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just had sex on a roof
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
