u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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