I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
