I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
