How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
