i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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