so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
it was like eating out sand paper
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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