This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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