dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
