STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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