Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
