apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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