Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
