im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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