just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
