I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
