I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
