I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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