quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
