I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
