no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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