Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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