Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
zippers are such a cool invention
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Bring me that man meat
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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