I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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