you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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