Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
