Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
