you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
