Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
