So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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