We won't sleep together?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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