Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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