so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
