I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The Olympian is in my bed
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
