why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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