It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
