Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
