No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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