Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
