I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
