it hurts more in the daytime
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
