You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
