i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
