I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
