I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
